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To become a better influencer, you must first master empathy. Many leaders mistakenly believe that influence relies on authority or manipulation. The truth is much simpler. Empathy develops trust. Trust enables influence. When you influence others, you earn the right to lead them. Without empathy, you cannot understand what truly matters to your team. Without that understanding, they will never trust you. If they do not trust you, they will resist your influence. You cannot lead a resistant team. This guide explains how to actively build empathy with difficult individuals. By understanding their needs and perspectives, you bridge the gap between their current resistance and your desired outcome. This creates a causal chain of effective leadership. It transforms you from a demanding manager into a powerful influencer.
The day the CEO learned the importance of empathy began with a confrontation. "Some people are just more naturally empathic than others," the CEO brusquely informed me. "It is not personal; it is business." He went on quoting that bundle of joy Donald Trump. "They should know what is good for them and do what I suggest. Why should I have to influence them or show empathy?"
The CEO pushed back his chair as if our session were over. His company was struggling. Several key staff had recently departed and were working for a competitor. He still insisted that empathy was not something he needed to do. He felt perfectly capable of influencing his team. It was they who needed to change. He did not need to change at all.
You have met someone like this. You are wondering how I am going to suggest that they change. There is a twist here.
How Do You Influence Someone Who Lacks Empathy?
It is terrific to have someone like that CEO in your life. You are not like him. You care. You show a genuine concern. There are only a few people who simply do not deserve your love and respect.
How do you show empathy for someone and influence them when they do not "do" empathy? This becomes critical when you know that they really need to "do" empathy to become a better influencer.
You will recall from the triangle of influence that weneed to link what we want them to do to their resources. It will cost them something. We must also show the benefits they will gain for themselves by doing it. You must diagnose their underlying motivations using [The PowerBank of Needs]. This will help you map their desires accurately.
Why Is Empathy the Foundation of Leadership?
Empathy develops trust. Trust enables us to influence others. When we influence others, we lead them. For the influencer, we are left with a clear causal chain.
- Without empathy, how will you know what is important to them?
- Without you showing empathy, how are they going to trust you?
- If they do not trust you, how are you going to influence them?
- If you do not influence them, how are you going to lead them?
To be a better influencer, we really need to know how to have and show empathy.
What Is the Difference Between Sympathy and Empathy?
I wrote previously about the usefulness of empathy and how it differs from sympathy. The difference is huge. Sympathy is passive; empathy is active. Empathy fuels connection while sympathy drives disconnection.
If I am to influence someone, they need to have some level of trust in me. To trust me, I will need to have, and have shown, empathy with them. I need to identify with them. Let us first consider how we can have and show empathy with someone. We can then explore how we build trust with that person. Finally, we can use this to be a better influencer.
Let us agree on the dictionary definition of empathy. It is the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
How Do You Practice Active Listening?
Imagine for a moment that I am sitting opposite you. What I am about to share with you is critically important and valuable.
You sit up a little taller. You lean your head forward and focus your eyes on me. You carefully watch every nuance of expression. You listen attentively to every word. You nod appropriately as you take in and understand each point I make.
Bring to mind two people in your life that you have known for some time. The first person is someone with whom you have a good, strong, and close relationship. You trust them to be in your corner. They support you and understand you well.
The second individual is someone with whom you have a strained connection. They do not listen. They talk over you. Notice the difference in your willingness to be influenced by them. Active listening bridges that gap. It builds the empathy required to lead effectively.